While we once believed the locusts in Revelation 9 represented different kinds of helicopters or drones, we’re now fairly certain that the insects are suburbanites descending upon Starbucks locations to consume pumpkin spice,” Lindsey continued.
SAN ANTONIO, TX—A team of dispensational premillennialist prophecy experts has declared the official start of a previously unknown “pumpkin spice” dispensation, sources confirmed Wednesday. “The signs are clear that God’s unfolding of His redemptive plan has taken yet another detour,” prophecy teacher Hal Lindsey told reporters at a press conference announcing the new dispensation, accompanied by a …